Love is such a beautiful thing, but it can be a pain the neck sometimes- in a good way (: This week, I was talking with my best friend since high school (we know each other from around 8 years); we keep in touch with each other, send texts or facebook messages, call on skype, and whenever I go home, we hang out a lot. But this week, he told me how much he likes me- likes likes me.
He is a great guy, he can be rough and a little bit of a jerk sometimes, but that doesn’t make me like him any less; because he’s also sweet and caring. I know he has his flaws and worries, he also has some personal and family issues, but I don’t mind, I want to be there for him and help him every step of the way. However, I don’t think I’m ready for that kind of relationship.
Ever since I started having my anxiety issues, I just don’t want to be in a romantic relationship. Why? Because I know I’ll feel like a burden to my significant other more than anything else. I’ve seen what my anxiety can do to my family, how it worries them and it hurts them, and I don’t want to extend that pain to anybody else. I know it might sound ridiculous, but if I can’t handle my pain myself, why should I expect somebody else to also suffer from it?
I told him about this (a little bit, and it wasn’t really planned, it sort of just came out of me) because he knows about my anxiety disorder -he’s been there with me through many of my episodes- and he said he didn’t care, he wanted to help me, and he thought that keeping the pain to myself would just hurt me. But I can’t help but feel that way. I like this guy -a lot- but there’s also the issue of the long distance between us, so it wouldn’t work (I don’t believe in long-distance relationships, and neither does he really); however, now I have that constant doubt on me: will I ever be able to be in a romantic relationship without feeling like I’m being a burden to my loved one? Can I be a source of support to my SO? Or will my anxiety get in the way?
Please let me know if any of you feels like this, or how did it work out for you. Have a great day everyone! :)
The Hummingbird in the Secret Garden 